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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Late Night Ranting Sponsored by LeBron James, part 1 (of 1,000)

Okay, not really, John Calipari isn't really the new head coach of the Bulls, but if Captain Witness has his way, fiction may become fact faster than a hooker in high heels running from the cops. 

Calipari is lauded for his coaching style, his ability to motivate young players and his knack for finding blue chip recruits (John Wall, Derrick Rose) who are NBA ready.  He runs recruiting warehouses, for Christ's sake.  I mean come ON, whether or not he gets nailed for it, one must intuitively know that he has most likely broken every single NCAA sanctioned recruiting rule in history, old and new testament.  He left Memphis before the hammer came down and he may very well be looking for an out from Kentucky in the same manner. 

The scariest part about this?  LeBron James apparently (so says the rumor mill) wants him in Chicago with him.  And what LBJ wants, LBJ apparently gets.  He threw Mike Brown under the bus (and yes, anyone who saw any of game 6 of the eastern semis knows this to be true, James pretty much did his best to let Brown know that he wasn't a fan of his late game coaching style by more or less tanking right in front of the eyes of every player and fan in the arena) in order to direct and captain his own ship completely, wherever that may be.  For whatever reason, the rumors have been let loose that he wants the Kentucky coach in his wheelhouse. 

My question is, why?  LeBron James needs more control like Sarah Palin needs more pulpits to preach from.  He's by far the best basketball player on the planet right now, but if the Cavs are to actually re-sign him, do you think he's going to bring a championship to his team when the only finger on the coaching button is his?  Of course not.  Other NBA teams must know this fact too, right?  He's certainly capable of a lot on the court, but when it comes to the locker room he hasn't shown much in the way of leadership. 

People seem to want to compare him to Michael Jordan, and well, considering how good he is, why not?  However, that being said, Jordan had one thing that James does not...Phil Jackson.  Phil Jackson, for what it's worth, knows how to handle superstars.  He knows how to coach to them and around them.  He knows how to restrain the supporting cast and he definitely knows how to make sure even the most egregious shit doesn't reach the hardwood (rape accusations?  Shaq vs. Kobe drama?  Andrew Bynum having the pain threshold of a 5'8" math major?) and yet here we have the Cavs rolling through their newfound postseason like babies enamored with their own feces. 

You've got the Delonte West/Bron Bron's mom accusations, you've got the Bron Bron free agency fiasco and -- most recently -- you've got this John Calipari/Chicago rumor (for those of you not familiar with what I'm referring to, feast your eyes here) and all of that while Mike Brown, one of the best coaches the Cavs have had in recent memory, is forced to update his resume.  Shaq may not be back.  Delonte West is batshit insane.  Mo Williams is perhaps incapable of even attempting to be a confident floor leader.  I mean, the weather is precisely right for our man James not to stick around, wouldn't ya say?

So what's he gonna do?  Well, whatever franchise gets him, they're gonna have to let him do things his way.  Perhaps this will work with the Bulls, who have all of the elements, no head coach and a front office that may or may not truly understand what it takes to build a winner.  James could step in and single handedly take on at least some of the control in this situation.  The same can be said for the likes of the Clippers, Nets and maybe the Heat.  The Cavs, in the strictest sense of business, don't really have a chance. 

(a short interlude here, Knicks fans:  The Knicks have zero fucking chance of getting LeBron James.  They will sign multiple free agents this summer and improve exponentially next season, but D'Antoni and Donnie Walsh are set in stone, and neither of their personalities fit in with the LBJ manifesto, believe me.)

And so what am I getting at here, you ask?  I'm basically saying that the Cleveland Cavaliers are going to have to do a lot more than make badly sung music videos to keep their city wide cash cow, they are going to have to sign immediate as well as long term solutions to their rotating positions at center, small forward and point guard, they are going to have to develop a bench that can actually defend and they are going to have to hire a head coach who can deal with a superstar and yet still not lose his fucking mind in the last three minutes of every playoff game. 

If you're asking me for a solution to these problems, I have none right now, but I WILL say that James, like every other NBA player, is not sympathetic towards his home crowd.  He will throw up his white powder in every city in America if it means he will get more chances at winning the big one and making the bucks.  He may be young, but he is not dumb.  Perhaps this is why the Calipari rumors may, in fact, be realistic. 

-Terrence Adams

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