The Cincinnati Reds are twelve games above .500 and have a 2 game lead in the NL Central, to which your humble author must raise a fist to the air and scream "HOLY JUMPED UP CHRIST!" Joey Votto got fucking JOBBED out of the All-Star Game by Charlie Manuel, by the way. Omar Infante? Really? Why not just get Jerry Hairston, Jr. in there? Or maybe Jeff Keppinger? Fucking asshole, way to choose Ryan Howard too, ya homer. You know what Charlie Manuel? Eat a bag of dicks. If the NL loses this year, it will be because your dumbass doesn't understand the concept of ALL-STAR. I mean seriously, you have Martin Prado on that team, and he can play every position plus bat-boy, so why in the hell is Infante taking up my beloved Joey's rightful spot? Well, there's at least one chance left to get him on there, so I advise all of you to go ahead and VOTE VOTTO for the final spot in this year's ASG. Also, vote for Paul Konerko, too. Why, you ask? Because Kevin Youkilis looks like a pedophile, that's why.
Merrrrrrr, what else, what else. OH! The New York Knicks signed Amar'e Stoudemire! He got something like six trillion dollars for thirty years. It doesn't matter. He is not going to save that team. They have a skeleton of a franchise right now. Once David Lee skidaddles (and he will fucking skidaddle) the second best player on the Knicks will be....Danilo Galinari? Yeah, they're fucked. Even if they manage to get Dwyane Wade they're fucked. Trust me. Whenever I use this much foul language, truth is being spoken.
World Cup soccer continues. We got, what, Netherlands vs. Uraguay today? Yeah I got nothing. I told myself that I would continue to care even after the U.S. team got ousted. I lied. I do not give a shit anymore. Not one iota. Not even one little bit. Take your World Cup soccer and shove it up your World Cup ass. Fin.
Let me, for a moment, speak about the heat in New York City. It is 101 degrees PLUS humidity. It is hot. It is beyond hot. It is hellfire. I slept like shit last night and had dreams that would rival the worst hallucinations of acid freaks. You know how awesome it is to wake up in a pool of your own sweat? It's fucking incredible. I haven't taken a shower that cold since the morning after my senior prom.
Oh hey, did you guys hear that JaMarcus Russell got busted for having Purple Drank? Do you know what Purple Drank is? From our friends over at Wikipedia:
"Purple drank is a slang term for a recreational drug popular in the hip hop community in the southern United States. Its main ingredient is prescription-strength cough syrup containing codeine and promethazine. Cough syrup is typically mixed with ingredients such as 7Up soft drink and pieces of Jolly Rancher candy. The purplish hue of purple drank comes from dyes in the cough syrup."
So yeah, that's what Purple Drank is. It slows your motor skills and makes you fucking dumb. What a shocker that Russell was knocking that shit back. Good luck getting signed now, jergoff! (Ed. Note: If the Cincinnati Bengals sign JaMarcus Russell, I'm going to 'splode something).
Blllaarrghh, is there anything else to talk about? Shit I don't know, this has turned out to be more of a rant than anything else, but that's what you come here for, to be mildly offended by yours truly. At least that's what I heard. There should be updates from both of the Wills' brothers soon, if they decided to get up off their lazy asses and write something. If not, I'll be here for you, caressing your hand and telling you that everything will be okay in the end.
Onward
- Terrence Adams
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